reality check

11:21 p.m.

I'm back.

Damn sorry this has been so long
What can I say - definitely going through my Saturn Return.

My daughter had bacterial meningitis. She's okay. It was by far the most frightening experience of my life. She had a high fever (103.6) and I took her to an after hours place that could not determine the problem. They ended up giving her antibiotics for a possible but unconfirmed ear infection. 2 days later, the fevers were still high and I knew something was just not right. My pediatrician thought her neck seemed stiff and sent us to the emergency room at Children's Primary. I was so terrified it was meningitis. I was scared about the spinal tap. I was scared she would die. I was scared she'd be damaged forever. Such a bright spark - I just couldn't imagine her with brain damage. She is so brilliant. So bright and so advanced. I was so scared I would lose her. They tested her for urinary tract infection, as well as ear infection - and then they did the tap. They gave her something to calm her, as well as something they said would erase the memory. She was funny and goofy, but when the nurses grabbed her body and forced it into the fetal position, she still had a smile on her face as she whimpered to me "Help". I don't think I have ever felt as helpless at that moment than any other. I just kept telling her it would be ok. She fought. God I just felt so helpless. I just wanted her to feel safe and there was nothing I could do.

The fluid from her spine was clear. That was a good sign. I thought we'd be going home that night.

The tests came back that her white blood count in her spinal fluid was abnormally high but not outrageously so. As if she had partially treated meningitis - thank you antibiotics for the undiagnosed ear infection. I was kicking myself for that and yet now I see it was a blessing. It was partially treated and it looks like we staved off permanent damage.

Two days in the hospital, they determined we could go home with a picc line (permanent IV). Putting that in was a very similar process as the spinal tap as far as the same drugs and trying to keep her calm. I sang to her the entire time. The doctors said they wished they could bottle my voice and love. I did fine until she started to bleed. My knees buckled and I about passed out. The doctor got me a chair and I made sure I couldn't see her arm and resumed my singing.

If I can give you any message, it is this.

You are blessed.

Relish in the love you have, both given and received. Relish in it. It goes by fast and really, all that matters is the love we share. RELISH in it.

And now on to another saturn return issue.

I just figured out what I want to be when I grow up and after real estate school and dreams of making big bucks running around expensive new homes selling them to dreamy eyed couples, I figured out I would much rather get Democrats online. I have applied for a job at the State Democratic Party. This is only phase 1 though. I want to produce software with my dad for the Dem party as well, donating a portion of the profits to It feels so good finally knowing what I want and being of service to what I believe in.

This has been long enough so I'll close this. I'll post soon on my cleanse (9 days, 9 pounds lost, sleeping better, clear mind) I promise.

0 brilliant comments so far

Non-Design by Me. Yeah.

hosted by